The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my god I love twenty year old dicks
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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