I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
