Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
