hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
