I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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