Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
