I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
