is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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