So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
