chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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