It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am one with the molecules
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
