The maid of honor just puked.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
