you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
