you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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