if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
