I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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