I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
