Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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