If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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