Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
