I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
