Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
