just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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