Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
