dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
