God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
