if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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