My underwear smells like fireworks.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
