RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We have started to decorate penises.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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