ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
