That's intense
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
