I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
