hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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