We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
