just tell him i said nine months
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
