we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
