Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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