never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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