hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
