I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
