We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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