Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
