Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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