drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
