that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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