Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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