I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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