I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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