pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
