i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
