clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
